Σενάρια Supernatural | 5×20 The Devil You Know
Written by: Ben Edlund
Directed by: Robert Singer
Air Date: April 29, 2010
TEASER: INT. LAB
DOCTOR #1 I’m just glad we got something to offer people.
DOCTOR #2 Well, I’m sorry. It’s a load of crap — pure profit-driven crap.
DOCTOR #1 Well, swine flu –it’s an epidemic.
DOCTOR #2 Yeah, well, if Niveus was really worried about the epidemic, they’d be giving the vaccine out for free. This supposed new formula?
DOCTOR #1 Well, they say it’s faster-acting.
DOCTOR #2 Maybe it is, but human trials this week?
DOCTOR #1 Yeah, it does seem a little rushed.
DOCTOR #2 A little rushed? Have you even seen the new vaccine? No. Yeah. Neither have I.
JANITOR I have.
DOCTOR #2 Who the hell are you?
JANITOR I’m running the experiment. (janitor jabs doctor #2 with a syringe)
DOCTOR #2 (sinks to the ground) oh!
DOCTOR #1 What the hell?!
(Janitor knocks doctor 1 to the ground)
JANITOR Relax. You’re part of it, too.
(Janitor locks the two doctors in the lab together)
DOCTOR #1 (pounding on the door) Hey! You open this door!
(Doctor 2 gets off the floor, his eyes red, and lunges for doctor 1)
DOCTOR #1 Aah! Aah! Get off of me! God, no! Get off! Aah!
JANITOR Well, looks like it works.
DEAN Check it out –I look like the king of pop.
DEAN (chuckles) too soon?
SAM Too soon.
DOCTOR Don’t get me wrong –I’m glad the CDC is here, but what we really need is vaccine.
DEAN You got that right.
SAM Well, tell me, have you noticed anything unusual about the strain –Any signs of behavioral change, like aggression, maybe?
DOCTOR Excuse me?
DEAN Have the flu victims shown any signs of, uh, homicidal tendencies?
DOCTOR (chuckling) uh…Symptomatically speaking, we’re looking at a relatively mild case of swine flu here. Probably add up to a miserable week off of work, and that’s about it.
DEAN So nothing unusual.
DOCTOR Hmm. Day and a half ago, we didn’t have a single case. Now we’re looking at over 70 — The infectious equivalent of a briefcase bomb. So, yeah, I might call that a little unusual.
SAM Day and a half?
DEAN That’s the same time those statues started crying.
DOCTOR I’m sorry. What was that?
DEAN What was what?
DOCTOR Did you just say a bunch of statues started crying?
SAM What? (laughing) why, no. No. W-who would —
DEAN Who would say that, huh? Crazy people.
DEAN Yeah, which we are not.
DOCTOR Just…Get us some vaccine.
(Bobby is on speakerphone)
BOBBY Let me guess — another steamin’-hot pile of swine flu.
SAM Doesn’t make any sense, Bobby. Pestilence touched down here. I’m sure of it.
DEAN But why is he dealing them soft serve like swine flu when he’s got the croatoan virus up his sleeve? I-I-I don’t get it.
BOBBY Doesn’t matter what the sick son of a bitch is doing. (cut to Bobby’s house – shot of Bobby on the phone with the brothers) What matters is this is the fourth town he’s hit –That we know of — and we’re still eating his dust. (cut back to the Impala) Did you get anything? We got even a snowball at probable next target?
SAM Uh, no pattern we can see.
BOBBY (sighs)okay. (cut to Bobby’s house) Hold on. Well, far as I can tell, he’s still heading East, So… (cut back to the Impala) Head East, I guess.
SAM & DEAN East?
DEAN Bobby, we’re in West Nevada. East is practically all there is.
BOBBY Yeah, well, you better get to drivin’.
CROWLEY Say…I’ve got an idea.
(tires screech as Dean swerves, slamming on the brakes. Sam tries to stab Crowley with Ruby’s knife, but only stabs the seat of the Impala)
DEAN (grunts) did you get him?
SAM He’s gone.
CROWLEY (from next to the Impala) Fancy a fag and a chat? You’re upset. We should discuss it. Not here,but —
(Sam and Dean exit the Impala)
SAM (stalking after Crowley) You want to talk? After what you did to us?
CROWLEY After what I –what I did to you?! I gave you the colt!
SAM Yeah, and you knew it wouldn’t work against the devil!
CROWLEY I never!
SAM You set us up. We lost people on that suicide run –Good people!
CROWLEY Who you take on the ride is your own business! Look, everything is still the same. W-we’re all still in this together.
SAM Sure we are. (Sam attempts to stab Crowley again, but Crowley teleports)
CROWLEY Call your dog off –please.
DEAN Give me one good reason.
CROWLEY I can give you pestilence.
DEAN What do you know about pestilence?
CROWLEY I know how to get him. That’s got your interest, doesn’t it?
SAM Are you actually listening to this?
DEAN Sam —
SAM Are you friggin’ nuts?!
DEAN Shut up for a second, Sam!
CROWLEY Shut up, the both of you! Look…I swear… I thought the colt would work. It’s an honest mistake. It’s all part of the learning process. But nothing’s changed. I still want the devil dead. Well…one thing’s changed. Now the devil knows that I want him dead. Which, by the way, makes me the most buggered son in all of creation.
DEAN Holy crap. We don’t care.
CROWLEY They burnt down my house! They ate my tailor! Two months under a rock, like a bloody salamander! Every demon on hell and earth’s got his eyes out for me! And yet… Here I am…Last place I should be –In the road, talking to Sam and Dean Winchester, under a friggin’ spotlight! (Crowley gestures to the light above them, and it explodes) So come with me. Please. Do you want the horsemen rings or not? Yes, I know all about that. Shall we?
INT. ABANDONED HOUSE
CROWLEY (sighs) here we are –My life on the lam. How the mighty have fallen. Single-pane glass, Used contraception in the fireplace. The water damage alone —
DEAN My heart’s bleeding for you. Now, how do you know about the rings?
CROWLEY Well, now…I’ve been keeping a close eye on you lot.
SAM We got hex bags. We’re hidden from demons.
CROWLEY All but one. That night you broke into my house, our first date, my valet hid a tracking device in your car –A magical coin that easily trumps your little bags o’ bones. It allows me to hear things, too –and, my, the things I’ve heard. (chuckles) So you want to cram the devil back in the box? Cunning scheme. I want in.
DEAN You said you could get us pestilence.
CROWLEY Well, now…I don’t know where pestilence is…Per Se. But I do know the demon who does. He’s what you might call the horsemen’s stable boy. He handles their itineraries, their personal needs. He’s who you want –believe me. He’ll tell us where Sneezy’s at.
DEAN Well, how do we get him to spill? Rip out his toenails?
CROWLEY No. Nuts at his pay grade don’t crack. We bring him here, then I sell him.
SAM Sell him?
CROWLEY Please. I’ve sold sin to saints for centuries. Think I can’t close one little demon?
DEAN All right, so where’s this demon of yours? INT. NIVEUS PHARMACEUTICAL’S BOARD ROOM
BRADY I don’t want to hear «weeks.» I want to hear «days.»
MITCHELL But the lab isn’t even finished testing yet.
BRADY You let me worry about the lab.
MITCHELL But, sir, you’re asking for distribution on an unprecedented scale.
BRADY Well, we have an unprecedented outbreak.The nation…is terrified of swine flu. They want our vaccine. They need our vaccine. It’s called «demand,» people. Now, supply!
MITCHELL We’re doing our best.
BRADY Oh, you’re doing your best? You’re doing your best? Well, then do the best of somebody better!
(Brady exits board room)
INT. NIVEUS PHARMACEUTICAL- BRADY’S OFFICE
MITCHELL (enters the office, nervously) You wanted to see me?
BRADY Mitchell, yes. Come on in.
MITCHELL Look, Mr. Brady, I know how important this is, and I-I’m sorry if I sounded —
BRADY (gestures dismissively) No apologies. Mitch, I need people like you.
BRADY Really. In fact, there is a position in communications that I think you would be perfect for. (Brady walks over next to Mitchell and picks up an ornate chalice)
MITCHELL Sounds great.
BRADY Is great. So what do you say? You ready to enter the cutthroat world of upper management?
BRADY Awesome. (Brady slices a straight-razor across Mitchell’s throat)
BRADY (to Demon) Ooh. Watch the shoes, please. Get the rest later. Thanks.
(Demon drags Mitchell’s body out of Brady’s office)
BRADY (gazing into blood-filled chalice) Dis manibus praeest praesens…obtine mihi dominum. Pestilentiarum omnium.
(a fly emerges from the chalice)
BRADY Sir, great news. The vaccine trials –the results have been…(chuckles)…Really quite grotesque. I think you’ll be pleased.
BRADY How soon? Distribution on this scale –I mean, we do need some humans. We can’t possess them all. And don’t even get me started on the teamsters. I —
BRADY I know. I’m doing my best.
BRADY Yes, sir.The best of someone better.
INT. ABANDONED HOUSE
SAM Why are we even listening to him, Dean? This is totally insane.
DEAN I don’t disagree.
CROWLEY One big happy family, are we, then? Fantastic.
DEAN You ready to go?
CROWLEY Yes. Yes. I am. Sam, keep the home fires burning.
DEAN What are you talking about?
CROWLEY Sam’s not coming.
SAM And why the hell not?
CROWLEY Because I don’t like you…I don’t trust you…And — oh, yes –You keep trying to kill me.
SAM There’s no damn way. This isn’t gonna happen!
CROWLEY I’m not asking you, am I? ’cause you’re not invited. I’m asking you.(points at Dean) What’s it gonna be? (scoffs) gentlemen…Enjoy your last few sunsets.
DEAN Wait. I’ll go. (to Sam) What can I say? I believe the guy.
(Sam watches Crowley and Dean leave in the Impala)
SAM (on the phone, holding a bottle of whiskey) And then Dean just walks…(scoffs)
(cut to Bobby on the phone, also drinking)
SAM …Right out the door with Crowley.
BOBBY Well, look, Sam, I got no love for demons, and, yeah, this whole thing is crazy, but…I don’t know. After a year of chasing up zilch, maybe it’s time to go crazy.
(cut back to Sam)
SAM (scoffs) yeah, maybe. (sighs) Hey, Bobby?
SAM Uh…Remember that time you were possessed?
BOBBY Yeah. Rings a bell.
SAM When Meg told you to kill Dean, you didn’t. You took your body back.
BOBBY Just long enough to shank myself, yeah.
SAM Well, how’d you do it? I mean, how’d you take back the wheel?
BOBBY Why are you asking, Sam?
SAM (takes a swig from his bottle) Say we can open the cage. Great. But then what? W-we just lead the devil to the edge and get him to jump in?
BOBBY You got me.
SAM What if you guys lead the devil to the edge and I jump in?
SAM It’d be just like when you turned the knife around on yourself. One action — just one leap.
BOBBY Are you idjits trying to kill me?!
SAM Bobby —
BOBBY We just got done talking your brother off the ledge, and now you’re lining up to say «yes»?
SAM It’s not like that. I’m not gonna do it. Not unless we all agree. But I think we got to look at our options.
BOBBY This isn’t an option, Sam.
SAM Why not?
BOBBY You can’t do it. What I did was a million-to-one, and that was some pissant demon I was brain-wrestling. You’re talking about taking back control from Satan himself.
SAM Yeah.Yeah, I am.
BOBBY Kid…It’s called «possession» for a reason. You, of all people, ought to know.
SAM I’m strong enough.
BOBBY You ain’t. He’s gonna find every chink in your armor, Sam, and use it against you –Your fear, your grief, your anger. And let’s face it — You’re not exactly Mr. Anger management. How are you gonna control the devil when you can’t control yourself?
EXT. NIVEUS PHARMACEUTICAL
(Dean, from inside the Impala, is watching the building through binoculars)
CROWLEY Nah. Human shields. The demons are up top –12th floor.
DEAN All right, then. We’ll have to find a way in through the back.
CROWLEY You Winchesters make everything so complicated. (Crowley disappears)
DEAN Ah, crap.
(Crowley reappears in the building behind the security guard, slitting his throat)
DEAN Oh, crap.Crap! Crap!
(Dean exits the Impala, runs to the door of the building, and knocks on the door)
CROWLEY Door’s open! What?
DEAN You killed them?
CROWLEY We’re on a tight schedule. Come on. Now you’re squeamish? Please.
(Crowley walks Dean to the elevator, Dean steps inside, Crowley does not.)
CROWLEY Go get ’em, tiger.
DEAN wh–You’re not coming?
CROWLEY Oh, no. It’s not safe up there. There’s demons.
DEAN Yeah, I get that.
CROWLEY Look, just do what I told you, a-and try to be convincing. It’ll work like a charm. Trust me.
INT. BRADY’S OFFICE
(Brady hears a thud out in the hall and gestures towards his door, which open)
BRADY Dean Winchester. What, no appointment?
DEAN Kind of an 11th-hour thing, you know?
BRADY Well, then, you’re just on time. Have a seat. How’s your brother? Well, down to business, then. What can I do for you?
DEAN Actually, it’s about what I can do for you.
DEAN Me and Sam dropped two of your jockeys. I think you know that.
BRADY Yes. I got the memo.
DEAN Well, we kept their, uh, secret power rings.
DEAN Which is why I’m here. I heard some folks saying that you wanted them back and you were willing to pay.
BRADY Hmm. Where are they?
DEAN Not here. But you want them, you’ll come with me –Nice and civil –We’ll get out of your little batcave here, and we’ll discuss a transaction.
BRADY Who says I want them?
BRADY Who…Says…I want them?
DEAN You know…Folks.
BRADY See…(clears throat)…War and famine, even if I could cram the rings back on their bony fingers, I doubt it would do much good. They’re withered husks right now –Fetal position on the floor –All thanks to you. So I don’t want the rings. What I want is retribution.And I’m gonna rip it right out of your ass!
(Dean is thrown out through Brady’s office door)
BRADY This…(chuckles)…is so good.
BRADY (chuckles)…therapeutic, for sure. You know, Dean, I really owe you one, buddy, ’cause I feel…(Brady kicks Dean)So…
BRADY Much… (Brady kicks Dean)
BRADY Better! (Brady kicks Dean)
INT. NIVEUS PHARMACEUTICAL BUILDING
(Dean runs into the elevator and pushes buttons repeatedly)
BRADY Dean, where are you going? We’re just getting started!
(Dean exits on ground floor. Brady appears behind him and hits him on the head)
BRADY …good meeting, Dean. You know, I’m excited.
(Crowley approaches from behind, and drops a sack covered in a devil’s trap over Brady’s head, then bashes Brady’s head with a crowbar
CROWLEY Evening, Uncle.
DEAN What the hell was that?
CROWLEY That was perfect.
DEAN Perfect? He didn’t want the rings. He wanted me.
CROWLEY Imagine the surprise on your face.
CROWLEY Your ignorance and misinformation –I mean, completely authentic. You can’t fake that. What? I-it went like clockwork.
DEAN Not for me, you son of a bitch!
CROWLEY That’s what you get –working with a demon.
(Crowley carves a sigil into Brady’s torso)
DEAN Hey, hot stuff, watch the upholstery!
CROWLEY Up yours, mate. This bit of carving will tie our friend here down. No zapping off, no smoking out –Locked in the meat suit…An important piece of our bargaining strategy. Now, up here, we don’t want I-50. Take 93 north.
DEAN What are you talking about?
CROWLEY Look, we can’t take this guy back to your brother.
DEAN Why the hell not? Crowley!
CROWLEY They got history, all right?
(Dean angrily screeches the Impala to a halt)
DEAN You want to go anywhere, you start talking. What history?
INT. ABANDONED HOUSE
(Sam sits on a bed waiting. He hears The Impala approaching and finds Crowley downstairs)
SAM Where’s Dean?
CROWLEY Now…For the record, I’m against this. Negotiating a high-level defection — It’s very delicate business.
SAM What are you talking about?
CROWLEY I begged Dean not to come back. We should be miles away…from you. He replied with a colorful rejoinder about my «corn chute.»
CROWLEY So, go ahead. Go –ruin our last best hope. It’s only the end of the world.
(Sam enters the room where Dean has Brady -still hooded- tied to a chair)
SAM What’s going on, Dean?
DEAN I need you to stay on mission, okay? Focused.
SAM I don’t understand. What’s all this about?
DEAN I’m doing this ’cause I trust you.
SAM Trust me to what?
BRADY Sam? (clears throat) Sam, is that you?
(Dean removes Brady’s hood)
BRADY (chuckles) Brady hasn’t been Brady in years. Not since, oh..middle of our sophomore year?
BRADY That’s right. You had a devil on your shoulder even back then. All right, now, let it all sink in.
SAM You son of a bitch. You son of a bitch! (Sam approaches Brady, Dean holds him back) You introduced me to Jess!
BRADY Ding, ding! I think he’s got it!
(Sam struggles to push past Dean and get to Brady)
DEAN Damn it, Sam!
SAM I’m gonna kill you!
(Dean pushes Sam out of the room, while Brady laughs)
SAM Get out of my way!
SAM Get out of my way, Dean.
DEAN There is only one way to win, and it ain’t by killing that thing in there.
CROWLEY Well…sounds like you got him nice and fluffed.Thanks so much.
DEAN Listen to me. We need pestilence to get at the devil, and we need Brady to get to pestilence.
SAM Why? Because Crowley said so? Because we trust him now? Like I trusted Ruby? Or like I trusted Brady back at school?
CROWLEY Look…Do the math yourself. If Lucifer wins, he’ll turn this place into his kingdom. When the morningstar cleans house, we all get the mop.
BRADY He created us. Why would he destroy us? That makes no sense.
CROWLEY Look at who –at what he is. Then take a look at what we are.
BRADY Maybe you should be a little less worried about our necks and be a little more worried about yours.
CROWLEY Has crossed my mind. That’s not really the point.
BRADY Actually, Crowley, that is the point. No one will know greater torment than you. Lucifer is never gonna let you die. As for me, I know the score. I’m dead, whether I tell you anything or not. So I think I’ll die on the winning side, thanks.
CROWLEY Good talk. Cheers.
( Crowley exits the room and goes back to Dean)
DEAN Well, how’d it go? He buy your girl scout cookies?
CROWLEY Not yet. Where’s your moose?
DEAN He’s cooling off.
CROWLEY All right, then. Get bent.
DEAN You going somewhere?
CROWLEY Well, he won’t budge, so now I go stick my neck out.
DEAN What are you gonna do?
CROWLEY Exactly the kind of desperate swashbuckle I’ve been trying to avoid. Now I go kick open a hive of demons. This whole bloody ring business better work.
(Crowley disappears, Dean goes into the bathroom to wash his face. Sam comes by closes the door and puts a chair against the doorknob of the bathroom, preventing Dean from exiting)
DEAN Sam? Come on, Sam! Don’t do this! (bangs on door) Sam, come on! Hey! Open the door! Open the door!
(Sam goes to Brady)
BRADY Well, here we go. We doing last words or no?
SAM Sophomore year, huh?
BRADY Brady, here, he was a good kid –Straight arrow. I mean, your best friend, really. Perfect point of access.
BRADY Yes, sir. Remember when I came back from break all messed up — Dropped out of pre-med, the drugs, the bitches? That was the new Brady. That was me. Remember how much time you spent trying to get me back on the right track? You really were a good friend. But ol’ yellow eyes didn’t send me back to be your friend. No, we could tell we were starting to lose you. You were becoming a mild-mannered, worthless sack of piss. Now, come on. We couldn’t have that. You were our favorite. So I hooked you up with a pure, sweet, innocent piece of tail. And then I toasted her on the ceiling. That’s right — Azazel might have put the hit out on Jessica, but, man, I got to have all the fun!
(Sam’s hand twitches around Ruby’s knife)
BRADY (laughs) You know, she thought we were friends, too. Let me right in. She was baking cookies. (laughing) she was so surprised…So hurt when I started in on her.
(Sam presses Ruby’s knife against Brady’s throat)
BRADY Come on! Do it if it’ll make you feel better!
(Sam nicks Brady’s throat will the knife)
BRADY Do it, Sammy! Do it! Come on! Come on.(laughing) Ohhhhh. (chuckles, sighs)
DEAN (banging on door) Come on.
SAM Hey, hey, hey! All right! Wait! I’m gonna open it. (Sam lets Dean out)
DEAN What happened?
DEAN My ass.
SAM Dean, I’m fine.
DEAN Yeah? And what about Brady?
SAM (sighs) Like you said…We need him.
CROWLEY God. The day I’ve had. Good news. You’re going to live forever.
BRADY What did you do?
CROWLEY Went over to a demons’ nest –had a little massacre. Must be losing my touch, though — Let one of the little toads live. Oops. Also might have given said toad the impression that you left your post last night because you and I are –wait for it –Lovers in league against Satan. (chuckles)
CROWLEY Hello, darling. So, now Death is off the table. Now you get to be on the boss’s eternal-torment list with little old me.
BRADY Oh, no, no, no, no. No.
CROWLEY Something else we have in common –apart from our torrid passion, of course –Craven self-preservation. So, now, why don’t you tell me where Pestilence is at?
( far off howling)
BRADY Oh, God, Crowley.
DEAN Was that a hellhound?
CROWLEY I’d say yeah.
DEAN Why was that a hellhound?
CROWLEY (groans, and pulls out a coin)
SAM What’s that?
CROWLEY Remember I was telling you about my crafty little tracking device?
CROWLEY Demons planted one on me.
SAM You’re saying a hellhound followed you here?
CROWLEY Well, technically, he followed this.
BRADY Get me out of here. I’ll tell you anything you want.
SAM Shut up.
DEAN Okay, well, then we should go.
CROWLEY Sorry, boys. No one knows more about the hounds than I. You’re long past the point of «go.»
(Crowley tosses the coin to Dean who catches it)
DEAN Damn it.
SAM I told you!
DEAN (mockingly) oh, well, good for you. Luckily, we have salt in the kitchen.
SAM I’ll watch Brady.
BRADY (scoffs) watch me? Get me the hell out of here!
( howling and snarling continues, Dean finds the salt but before he can get to it the window shatters as the Hellhounds break through)
DEAN (firing shotgun rounds at the hellhounds)Sammy!
BRADY Damn it, get me out of here!
SAM & DEAN Shut up!
BRADY Great. Just great.
DEAN You’re back?
CROWLEY I’m invested. Currently.
DEAN You can control them?
CROWLEY Not that one. (Crowley points behind Dean) I brought my own. ( Crowley pats the hellhound beside him) Mine’s bigger. Sic him, boy!
( hellhound barking and growling as the hellhounds fight each other)
DEAN ( to Sam and Brady) Go, go go go
EXT. OUTSIDE OF HOUSE
CROWLEY I’ll wager $1,000 my pup wins.
BRADY (hands Crowley a piece of paper) Yeah. I’m sure pestilence will be there. Thanks.
DEAN What do you think?
CROWLEY It’s good. You got no reason to lie, have you? Like I said before, you’re in my boat now.
BRADY You’ve screwed me –for eternity.
CROWLEY Nah. Won’t last that long. Trust me.
Crowley follows Dean down the alley past Sam who is standing, staring at Brady)
BRADY Where are you going?
(Dean bends down and begins to pour a salt-line behind Sam)
CROWLEY I’m going to do you a favor. (to Sam) I expect we’ll be in touch.
(Dean lets Crowley pass, then closes the salt-line)
BRADY What is this?
DEAN All those angels, all those demons, all those sons of bitches –They just don’t get it, do they, Sammy?
SAM No, they don’t, Dean.
DEAN You see, Brady…We’re the ones you should be afraid of.
(Sam approaches Brady with Ruby’s knife)
BRADY I bet this is a real moment for you, big boy. Gonna make you feel all better?
SAM It’s a start.
BRADY Gonna make up for all the times that we yanked your chain –Yellow eyes, Ruby, me? But it wasn’t all our fault, was it? No, no, no, no. You’re the one who trusted us. You’re the one who let us into your life, let us whisper in your ear over and over and over again. Ever wonder why that is, Sammy? Ever wonder why we were so in your blind spot? Maybe it’s because we got the same stuff in our veins and, deep down, you know you’re just like us. (Brady lunges at Sam, Sam nicks him with the blade) Aaah! (panting) maybe you hate us so much because you hate what you see every time you look in the mirror. You ever think of that?! (laughing) maybe the only difference between you and a demon…is your hell is right here.
SAM (stabs Brady hard in the stomach until Brady dies) Interesting theory. (Sam walks out the alley, past Dean)
INT. BOBBY’S HOUSE
BOBBY Yea, I followed up. Nasty omens, but none of it’s Death with a capital «d.» Well, just give me a ring if it turns into anything. And, Rufus…You watch your ass out there.
CROWLEY Chin up. Cavalry’s arrived.
(Bobby cocks his revolver)
CROWLEY Charming. That won’t work on me. Name’s Crowley. Maybe you’ve…
BOBBY You’re Crowley?
CROWLEY In the flesh–of a moderately successful Literary Agent out of New York.
(Bobby shoots Crowley)
CROWLEY Aah! I see you have heard of me. I liked this suit.
BOBBY What are you doing here?
CROWLEY Looking out for Crowley.
CROWLEY The boys are on to ring number 3, but we still need number 4. I’m here to help.
BOBBY You know where Death is?
CROWLEY No. Haven’t the foggiest.
(Bobby cocks his shotgun and aims it at Crowley)
BOBBY Well, then get the hell off my property before I blast you so full of rock salt, you crap margaritas.
CROWLEY That’s a mite unfriendly, seeing as I could be getting you Death’s location in about the time it’d take you to reload.
BOBBY You’re just gonna chat some demons up and hope they don’t recognize you?
CROWLEY God, no. That could get me killed. But there is this little spell that I know.
BOBBY That so?
CROWLEY Results are 100% guaranteed.
BOBBY Okay. Then why are you snake-oiling me?
CROWLEY Well, it’s a little bit…embarrassing. There’s this…technicality.
CROWLEY I need a little something to get the magic going.
BOBBY And what’s that?
CROWLEY You make a wish. I can give you anything you want, mate — Up to and including Death’s coordinates. All I need is…
BOBBY My soul.
CROWLEY I’ve done more with less. Let’s just say when they’re getting their Grammys, they shouldn’t all be thanking God. It’s worth it, Bobby. Think.
BOBBY Okay. Here’s my counter. (Bobby shoots Crowley with the shotgun)
CROWLEY Ow! Bloody hell! Feisty.
BOBBY Get out.
CROWLEY I’ll give it right back.
BOBBY You think I’m a natural-born idjit?
CROWLEY Quite the contrary. Look, you’re right to be suspicious. But I’m your ally. Enemy of my enemy and all that. I need the devil back in his stock. In fact, my delicate ass depends on it. I promise you –temporary loan. I’ll give it…Right…Back.